One for All, All for One

You would think after a month, new parents would start to establish some sort of routine or at least a comfort zone with each other, the baby and the family as a whole. But mistaken lawyer, that's not the case. Life will always throw you some chaos just to make sure you're not dead yet.

You expect the baby to have a major impact on your day to day life as parents...maybe what you didn't expect was the baby's effect on your relationship as a couple. The sleepless nights, constant crying and baby showcasing to any stranger in your acreage can wear you thin already but be weary of contempt toward each other creeping in.

I went back to work a eight days after Anlee was born. My wife stayed home with the baby for the next few weeks. That in itself can create a huge divide.

Man thinks:
"She has it easy...spending all that time at home laying around, taking naps with the baby."
"I come home from working all day and what has she done?"
"I haven't had sex in months, can't I get a feel of those big boobs?"

Woman thinks:
"He has it easy...going to work and talking to other adults all day."
"I've been feeding, changing, quieting the baby all day and what has he done?"
"He'd better not even think about touching me."  

Even though you're going through the new parent experience together...you can feel so alone sometimes. 

So I can't stress this enough...COMMUNICATE EVERYTHING!

Ask how each other's day went, talk about what's going on tomorrow, dream out loud about the future, laugh about the baby's farts. Silence can kill a relationship. Don't let things fester or rejection build.

I have to caution myself now every time I rush to a judgement. I need to have empathy...put myself in her shoes. I need to listen not just to hear her, but understand. Don't immediately dismiss what she says because I may think I know better, but see what she has to offer.

Strive to find a connection instead of severing it. The baby is vocal about her discomfort, but your wife may not be. So occasionally ask her if she's doing ok...really doing ok and not just saying it. Try to give her a break from the baby if she needs it. Burping, changing, rocking, swinging, swaddling can all be great bonding experiences for you and the baby and offer a competitive challenge for you to see how fast and how well you can do things.

When trying to raise a new human, don't forget about the human you're married to.