New Parent Panic: Waking Up to a Nightmare

Cluelessness is not an unusual feeling for new parents, especially first time dads. But the frequency of not knowing what to do doesn't make it any easier to deal with. As a man, you have this innate fixation on fixing everything. If you can't solve a problem, deep down it makes you feel inadequate, maybe even emasculate you a little. Dad is always supposed to save the day.

Waking Up to a Nightmare

Early this morning, my realist experience with new parent panic began. My seven-month-old daughter woke up at 12:15 a.m. screaming. While Anlee waking up in the middle of the night isn't anything new, normally she's not wailing like a cat giving birth.

The first thought is always hunger, so Jesse and I tried giving her a bottle. She just shrieked louder. Maybe she needed a diaper change? Cleaned the toosh, put on a fresh diaper, checked for diaper rash...no luck, still bawling. We used the go-to move of playing some soothing Jack Johnson music while carrying her. Even his angelic voice couldn't tame the beast.

Fifteen minutes went by, then 30, an hour....every tried and true method undefeated for seven months failed time after time. She was just crying louder and louder inconsolably. My wife called her mother at 1:30 a.m. for advice. We tried it all.

My little girl was in pain and it hurt me so bad that I didn't know what was wrong. I searched all over her body for signs of bruising or a rash...nothing. My wife looked up symptoms online of everything from croup to ear infection, went through mom online message boards and we began to fear the worst of all situations.

My wife thought about taking her to the ER and I was really close to starting the car. Then Jesse remembered that our pediatrician's office had a number you could call 24/7. Jesse was forwarded to the MyNurse hotline. After going through a checklist of our baby's symptoms, the superhero on the other end of the phone suggested that we get a cold, wet washcloth and let Anlee bite on it. Sure enough...our screaming baby quieted down to a whimper within the first three seconds of the rag hitting her gums. She was teething.

It never really occurred to us that Anlee would be in so much pain due to teething because she already had two bottom teeth come in without any trouble. She slobbered like a hungry Saint Bernard in a pizzeria, but she didn't fuss all that much with the first little white chiclets. Turns out this morning that the pacifier and bottle nipple we kept trying to use to soothe her weren't helping at all, they were actually aggravating the area where her new teeth were coming in. After using some Orajel, a really cold bottle of formula and a bigger pacifier, Anlee went back to sleep like nothing happened.

                   

Oh, what a relief it was to finally know what was wrong and what to do now! But still I felt like a failure. After two hours of my baby sobbing uncontrollably despite my best attempts to console her, I was left incompetent, destitute and broken as a father. Why couldn't I fix it? Why couldn't I come up with the solution? Why couldn't I save the day?

Teamwork

Like most men, I'm independent to a fault. I hate asking for directions, I don't like requesting help opening a jar and I'm definitely never sharing a foot long sandwich. But as a father, I have to accept the fact that I need help sometimes...and that's ok.

I'm so glad I have a great wife who's also a great mother. As we go through this journey of first time parenthood, many times feeling helpless by ourselves, we become stronger together. And this morning was proof of that.

While my manhood still took a hit, I'm proud of the team. We took on new parent panic and didn't turn on each other. We didn't throw blame around or yell obscenities at our child, we grew up. We managed to turn a nightmare situation into a learning experience. Instead of collapsing into a pile of self-doubt and isolating ourselves in contempt, we built each other up. Despite the cluelessness and scared worry at the time, we're now better equipped to take on future battles.    

I may not always be able to wield by super dad powers and save the day, but I know I can rely on her: us: we. And that's more than ok, that's a being a family.