Moment of Clarity

There are certain moments that allow you to pause, examine things around you and see...just see. It's almost like waking up, when you're already awake. Most of the time, there's some kind of realization that comes with this temporary awareness just before life's chaos drowns your quiet epiphany in noise. Things just become clearer.

This moment of clarity came to me while holding Anlee the other night. Sitting warm in our nursery, rocking her to sleep as the cold night howled outside the window, she wrapped her tiny hand around my finger. It's something she's done a hundred times since she was born, but tonight, I looked a little closer.

What I saw was my little daughter's grasp, the eternal effect she'll have on me. 

For any parent, life changes when you have a baby. You go from telling stories of a crazy night out to telling stories of a great night's sleep. You add another mouth to feed, you lose any resemblance of a set schedule. You worry about little sniffles, you rejoice for poops. What happened to the cool me?

But this little angel blessed me with perspective, added meaning, gave me life...at least a better one.

Right now she's holding my finger tight, falling asleep in my arms, but she will grow up so fast. Before I blink, she'll be walking, talking and eating Pop Tarts. Soon she'll be riding a bike and making friends I don't like. Next she'll be driving a car and dating a boyfriend I don't like. Then she'll be headed off to college and doing a lot of things I don't like. Where next? 

Right now she relies on mom and dad for everything, but she will grow up so fast. Before I blink, "no" will be her favorite word. Soon she'll be annoyed with my very presence. Next she'll be talking behind my back...and I can't be cool no matter how hard I try. Then she's moved out, I rarely get to see her and I long for the days she sassed back, because at least I knew she was thinking of me. What next?

This moment I have with her in the nursery right now, I might not ever get again. To recognize and accept that, brought me to tears.

To appreciate every minute as a parent just isn't feasible - an unaccomplishable dream. Everyday errands, soothing tantrums, corralling excitement over sharp objects, busyness rules our lives. But I challenged myself to step back and look at the big picture, especially when patience is running thin. Try to revisit this moment of clarity that time will not stop.

What can I do to keep my baby from growing up? Besides feeding her caffeine by the bottle to stunt her growth...absolutely nothing. But I can do everything in my power to be the best dad I can be, to always be there for her, to always listen, to always hold her close no matter how big she gets.

So for now, I get to fix all of her problems. It's my duty as her father, my responsibility as her parent and my joy as a man who knows he's always running out of time.